So it continues. Honestly, no really HONESTLY, I'm trying really hard to let things go and to not be so annoyed/bothered/angry/frustrated all the time. Every night I get into bed and just pray that I can let go of all this and move on. And then of course the morning comes and I have to be around everything again and something ridiculous happens. The last couple days have been real winners too. The MIL has been "sick". I put sick in parenthesis because its ridiculous. She is so dramatic! (Now I know where my husband gets it...) Instead of just taking care of herself, or going to bed or whatever normal people do when they're sick, she gets up at 5:00 in the morning and moans and groans and makes faces ALL DAY LONG. She's rude to my kids, she walks around grumpy, its just plain ridiculous. So we've been trying not to be here, because not only do I not want to be "sick", I also don't want to be around her bad attitude. Except I think its really bothering her, because I think she wants attention and everyone to fawn over her and her "sickness" and we're not doing that. So last night we were getting ready to go somewhere and she's all "you're not staying for dinner?" and we're all "NOPE" and then gave her a bunch of reasonable reasons why we weren't, and she's all "whatever!" and then proceeds to ask us if we're going to be there for Christmas dinner or if we're going to my parents. So I ask her what time dinner will be? And she says she doesn't know. And I say well, it depends on what time dinner is if we'll be there. And she just HAS to say "SO, you guys will be spending ALL of Christmas Eve with her family AND ALL of Christmas Day TOO?!" And I'm like seriously? No really, I'm like "well, if we're going to be over here all day of Christmas at some point we're going to go to my family's, thats all we're saying." And she's all Oh, well we'll probably eat around 2:00. She's such a witch.
Okay then, I think I figured something out. Since things have started getting so hard the last couple weeks, I feel like I just get quieter and quieter. Everyone ignores me anyway so I didn't think it really mattered. But I have to bite my tongue a lot because if I didn't I would start saying snotty remarks--really I would, its that bad--so I'm just quiet most all of the time. So the last couple days I've really had enough, especially with how the MIL talks to my kids. She bosses them around, she won't let me be the mom basically. When I'm telling them to get down or to put something away, she'll cut me off and say "Yeah, get down off there!" And I'm thinking, hello! I'm taking care of it RIGHT NOW. Its constantly and I'm really really done with it. So I think there's been some tension in the air and I think the MIL knows I'm really bugged by her (not that she cares why or wants to take any responsibility for it, but whatever), and you know what? It makes her uncomfortable. I make HER uncomfortable! HA! The irony of that is just ridiculous. Like not even in a funny way. Maybe I should take some sadistic joy in knowing that I make her uncomfortable, except that I feel this whole thing coming to a head and its going to explode like that giant zit on the end of a teenager's nose. Not pretty. Oh how I look forward to that, I just hope there's some way I can survive this for another two months. Two months and our house will be ready and I can escape this hell hole and never come back. Really positive right?
So the last few days have been horrible (what else is new?), and I hate it because its just silly stupid crap but I just can't figure out why she's doing it (she is her: the mother in law). Its stupid stuff like last night, she comes downstairs where I'm working on a project, and says I need to come make my kids something else to eat because they're not going to eat what she's making (okay, side note here; first of all, the whole dinner thing is totally ridiculous because they're old and literally eat at 4:30. FOUR THIRTY. None of us are hungry then, but MIL insists that we all have a sitdown dinner EVERY. SINLGE. NIGHT. But yet, doesn't check with anyone about what they want to eat or anything sort of reasonable. Grrrrrr. Trying to move on.), so since I'm the "wife" (my husband was sitting there doing absolutely nothing) its my role to go make the kids something else to eat. Whatever. I get up there and my father in law is putting chicken nuggets on a pan for the kids, and she literally stops him and says "No, Addison's going to do that!" Like, seriously? What the crap? I don't even know how I'm supposed to take that, what does that even mean? Does she think I'm so lazy that I had better do atleast that? Or WHAT? So then, I'm cleaning up things around the kitchen, clearing the table off, etc. etc. waiting for the oven to heat up so I can put them in, and before its even close to being hot enough, she snatches up the pan and says "I'm just going to put these in here now!" WHAT? Like seriously? Why did she tell me I had to make something and then not let me do it?! What does it mean?! What is wrong with her?! I'm seriously going absolutely insane here. And every freaking word that comes out of her mouth makes me want to scream. I can't even look at her anymore, I hate it. I don't want things to be like this but I honestly don't know how to handle it or what to make of it. Any advice would be much appreciated, especially if you live with a crazy, manipulative, horrible woman.
So Thanksgiving and all that went okay, it helps to have other people to take some of the focus off everything that bugs me. Except for one thing, I figured out that my sister in law bugs the hell out of me. She also lives here with us, she's in her mid-thirties and is just one of those poeple who will never move out, I'm not going to say anymore about that (I could go on for a long time...). But here's the deal, we're expected to clean up our stuff, put things away, help do housework and whatever else, which is mostly reasonable and we do; sister in law? Not so much. She is so lazy its exasperating! If I leave my purse out for half an hour, my mother in law moves it. If sister in law leaves her's out, it sits there for...well, ever really. Or like yesterday, we took the kids out for a drive to look at Christmas lights and by the time we got back, our mail was sitting on our bed. Of course EVERYONE else's mail is still sitting out on the table, but our's needs to be put away RIGHT THEN. (Really, I think the mother in law is just being nosy and wants to go in our room, but still.) The sister in law's had this envelope sitting in the kitchen for like three weeks now, heaven forbid someone ask her to put it away. Its so ridiculous. I hate it here so much I don't even know what to do with myself (except spiral into a deep dark depression, which is what I'm possibly doing), and get this, my mother in law asks my husband the other day if 'there's maybe something wrong with me? I seem a little upset...' Are you freaking kidding me?! No one talks to me, no one asks me how I'm doing, no one treats me with any sort of anything and you wonder why I'm upset?! Also ridiculous.
What I really wish I could do is just give everyone a piece of my mind, but my mom said that won't really make me feel better. Eh, what does she know?... kidding people, kidding.
Okay, I totally just found this blog that is unsettlingly addicting. Its about a cheating wife. Okay, I personally have some strong feelings about cheating, and I'm sure other people have their own feelings about it too, but man this woman's blog is just so doggone interesting! I think the insight into her choices and her feelings is just really...I don't know, whats another word for interesting? Soooo, I think this is on my mind a lot anyway because I just found out a longtime friend of mine has been cheating and its crushing my heart to think about her children and husband! I haven't talked to her for awhile now and I just don't know how I could ever be normal with her again (please don't take that the wrong way, like I'm intolerant or something. I know a lot more about her situation than someone else's, had many a conversation with her about how horrible it is<--her words--watched her cry as she talked about her sister cheating, etc. etc.), not that she was a good friend in the first place...which almost makes me want to just chew the crap out of her.
So last Sunday was a fantastic day for me. FAN-TASTIC. I got a new calling at church, not to sound horrible but its a dumb calling. I'm the "assistant" ward music person, whatever that means. So the real ward music person sits down with me Sunday and asks me what my musical expertise is...ummmm, my expertise?! I don't really have any thankyouverymuch. I can read music, I've sang in choirs, how about that? So she says to me, "Well, the only thing I can really hope or expect from you is to put the music into the folders." And I just sit there with my mouth hanging open, dumbfounded.
What I should've done was gone straight to the bishop and said, "Look, this isn't going to work. She doesn't want to let me do anything and she can put the music in the flippin' folders herself."
I'll be a little better today, not just all whining, I promise. (Is there a big roar of cheering going on right now?) Things are starting to get a little better, granted they are far from perfect and things are still driving me CrAzY but they are better and I have to be grateful for that, and I so am! We've tried to talk about how to make things easier on everyone, and my husband has FINALLY stepped up and started getting supportive, which has been monumental in helping things be better. Hallelujah!
One of the things that still really bothers me though, (about the mother in law) is that she ignores me. Like flat out walks away when I talk to her. Or she'll ask me a "courtesy" question ('how was your day?') and when I start to answer she picks up a magazine and starts reading--totally ignoring me. Yesterday I was calling to my husband from upstairs, and I knew someone was down there that could hear me, because I could hear them, but they would NOT answer me. Not even to say that he was outside or wasn't there. Just ignoring. I get downstairs and lo and behold who could it be that won't answer? You guessed it: the mother in law. I was thinking about why it bothers me so much and I realized it bothers me because in my family, you NEVER ignore someone. Even if you hated them, even if you were so angry with them you wanted to punch them in the face, you don't ignore them when they talk to you. Its just something that we don't do in my family. (Personally I think ignoring someone is pretty commonly rude to anyone in the whole freaking world, but maybe my mother in law doesn't know that...) To me, when she ignores me, I feel like she must hate me so much that I'm not even worth her using up breath. She doesn't care enough to even answer a question, I'm that worthless to her? Now, of course thats probably not what she's thinking (right?! She doesn't think that right?! Tell me she doesn't think that!), but thats how I feel when she does it. So what do I do? Well, normally I just walk away and feel dejected. What I wish I did:
"Hey! Can't you hear me calling?! You know, it's just common courtesy to answer someone! You know he's not here so instead of letting me call and call to him, you could just say 'he's outside!' instead of pretending like I don't even exist. It's really rude and I don't appreciate being ignored!"
So my sister in law and her husband came over to have dinner with us all last night. It was shocking the difference in how my mother in law treats her son in law compared to me. SHOCKING. Every couple minutes she would ask him if he wanted more meat, or more potatoes, did he need this or that. Not once did she ask me anything, she basically just ignores me. I should've been like "gee, isn't that funny how she favors him, and doesn't ask me anything. I'm one of her in laws too..."
Just a little reminder that people notice those things, hmmmm?
One of my daughter's is super dramatic. She's the type that if you play into her dramatics she just gets worse and worse and more into it. So you have to shut it down pretty fast. Do you think that happens when you live with grandparents? Heck no, they give into her every whim and I'm ready to flip out over it. When we went to church the first time, she didn't want to go to Primary. I said, suck it up, you need to go. Grandma said, oooohhhh, I'll take you and sit with you. Do you think she did? NO. She didn't make her go to class at all, and of course I don't find this out until afterwards because I had to deal with my son in nursery. What I wish I'd done:
"You know, this just can't happen anymore. She needs to know who her parents are, and you can't interfere in everything we do with her. You go to your class, and we'll take care of her. Thank you very much!"
I'm so frustrated with it I think I'm about to go off on her butt. It really may come down to that. Do you think I can do it?! I hope so because I lose any more sanity over this woman.
Sorry its been a little bit, trying to settle in. The first few days here, I've been miserable. Its just so hard to be used to doing things your own way and running your own house to going to someplace where someone else is in charge. And you don't know when to do your laundry because someone else has their clothes in there already and you don't know if you're supposed to make dinner or wait around because someone else has already planned something. It stinks. Its so annoying too because there isn't enough room for us, and not because there isn't enough room just because people won't move their crap out of the way. My husband's sister still has her old retainer in the bathroom and she's in her mid-thirties. And yet, we get one lowly shelf for all our things. Its so stupid. Then the other day my mother in law got up at five o'clock in the morning and did the dishes, when I got up at seven, she was annoyed that she had to do the dishes. I'm sorry I didn't get up at four in the morning to beat you to it! So she doesn't ask me, she says to my husband while I'm there that we need to wash up our breakfast dishes because she just spent an hour and a half cleaning the kitchen--hurumph! Well, excuse me. So of course, I was up the couple dishes we had. And she has the nerve to thank my husband (completely ignoring me again) for washing the dishes, even though she knew I had done it. And makes some snotty remark about how with all of us being there we should all be able to help. Well duh we are! I wish I'd just made some sly comment about how I did the dishes, thanks for noticing. But I was in the bathroom when she said it, sneaky sneaky again!
Plus the women seriously has no concept of boundaries or consideration. Example: I was in our bedroom the other day laying down, I had the door open so I could hear my kids when they got up and she came over and shut the door! With me in there! Dude! I don't go up to your room and shut the door when you're in there! I just think thats so freaking rude. Do you think I'm just letting things build?
So it's moving time. Moving time and my mother in law is here. Its been fantastic! Yeah right, its been awful.
I didn't want her to have to pack anything (mostly because I knew she would just throw stuff wherever and ruin crap), so I had everything pretty much done. Just some cleaning to do, that couldn't really be done until the boxes were out of the house. So instead of waiting for help to get there that night, she decided she and my husband would load up the truck together. For hours that day. What could've been done so quickly with a few of our friends, took all day. But its her way or no way, so we did what she wanted. I tried to get whatever I could done, but mostly I just had to take the kids to get them out of the way, I felt like such a jerk. At certain points in the day, she says in a joking way "yeah, next time you guys should hire this to be done...heh, heh." I'm a little annoyed by this, because really we didn't ask her to come, she told us she was and that was the end of it. So then a little later when our friend comes over to help, she says nice and loud "You guys owe me so big!" And I'm just in shock because I can't believe she's making this about her. Yes, its inconvenient for her to come and have to move boxes and clean up and I understand its hard work and not fun. But is she packing up her entire house? Is she moving her young family over a thousand miles away? Is she pulling kids out of school and worrying about how they'll adjust? Leaving her friends and community of six years behind? Inconvenient for her, a living hell for me. But don't say that to her, just deal with it Addison and take it up the wazoo. What really sucks is she mostly says that garbage when other people are around so there's not even a chance to make a stink. Not that I would anyway, but maybe I would be more inclined to if she wasn't so sneaky...maybe. Stupid sneaky sneaky crap...
Oh for goodness sakes. You're going to hear about the mother in law for awhile I think because thats right there in my face at the moment. Gotta tell you about the drive here. It was ridiculous. Not only did the mother in law whine and complain and ignore me the entire way, she acted like she was pissed at everyone, and refused to eat.
But the best part? When my daughter got sick and threw up. She decided that now she was her mother. I couldn't take care of her, I couldn't help her, I couldn't decide what she would eat. In fact she wouldn't let her eat anything at all. At one point we stopped to get gas and she picked up some wheat thins for her. My daughter hadn't eaten all day and it was about noon, and I knew she wasn't going to eat wheat thins. So I grabbed some lorna doones. They're just a shortbread cracker and I thought she could handle those and would actually eat them. I bought them and handed them to my daughter, who handed them to grandma because she had to go to the bathroom. Mother in law turns to me and gives me them back and I say, no those are for her. She gets annoyed and says they got her the wheat thins, and I tell her I'm sorry but she's not going to eat wheat thins. And then she has the nerve to tell me "Well, we (meaning her and my father in law) didn't want her to have any sugar since she's been sick..." and turns away from me. My husband says, that they aren't really sugar-y and that its okay and gives me a look. I walk away. What I wish I'd said:
"Well, WE are her parents and I think we know her and her stomach a little better than you do! Know your place woman!" (haha I just think that last part is funny, don't really care if I would say that or not, but why not?)
Stuttered silence and shocked awe emanating from mother in law.
(Too bad it would be a ginormous fight instead. Shucks.)
So like I said last post, we're in the process of moving and its very hectic--VERY. I'm stressed out like you wouldn't believe and I'm just not handling it like a sane person. I have a friend who thinks she can solve all my problems. And the answer to all my problems: MARY KAY.
So she keeps asking me about joining, constantly. Because it would give us extra money, because she thinks I would be good at it (I would not), because it would give me an excuse to get out of the house, etc. etc. etc. I really don't want to do this, and honestly I don't have the time to think about it right now. I try to just be tactful and tell her I'll think about it and get back to her. But she keeps asking. Finally she says, hey let's get together for lunch before you go. I'm thinking okay, I'd like that. Except its not lunch with me and her, its lunch at her advisor's house to talk me into joining. The lunch was so incredibly awkward for me, and I gave the lady awesome reasons for why I didn't want to join and I was really nice. It got to the point where this lady was pulling out all her tricks, she had the nerve to tell me "Don't you want to support your friend in her dreams? Did you know that Mary Kay is putting an end to breast cancer? And they donate millions to battered women shelters! I don't know how anyone wouldn't want to support that!" I'm thinking WOAH lady, thats about enough! But instead of saying anything, I just tell her I'll have to talk to my husband. I really wish I would've said something like this:
"So what you're telling me is if I don't join then I'm causing cancer, or I'm helping to batter women? You're basically bullying my conscience into doing what you want me to do, or else I have to answer to all that?! I can't believe you would sink so low trying to get me to join this when I don't want to. Period. Stop hassling me! And honestly, I wouldn't pull out that puppy again because its a major turn-off. If I had been considering joining, I would definitely not now just because you guys were so pushy and rude!"
Head sulking and pitiful apology from Mary Kay advisor.
There's a lot of changes going on in my life right now, that especially don't help with dealing with dumb people since I'm super stressed right now. What it comes down to is that we're moving. Moving is horrible and I hate packing, especially with four kids in the way. Our plan right now is that when we get to our destination we'll be living with my in-laws for a little bit until we can get settled and find our own place. I was really nervous about this, but was going into it with a pretty positive attitude, that is until my in-laws started making comments. Comments that worried me this wouldn't be a fun experience. So I talked to my mom and she said, well let them know how much you appreciate what they're doing and that you know its a sacrifice for them and you're going to help out around the house, all that junk. So I tried. Believe me, I've tried two or three times to tell my mother-in-law how much I appreciate what they're doing for us. And she just cuts me off. And kind of just blows off what I'm saying. Its infuriating! What do you do with someone who has no concept of communication? Or manners...
Last Thanksgiving we went to my husband's aunt's for dinner. The aunt's son and daughter-in-law came too, which was great except this DIL is a total jerk. I just thought, "oh I'll stay away from her and the day will be juuuust fine!" Oh no, the day was not fine. This is how it went down: there's this pillow the Aunt has that one of my daughter's was pretty into. She had been playing with it (its furry so that makes it exciting) and the DIL had sat on it. My daughter was only about three at the time and tried to get the pillow out from under her. She turned to my three year old and said "You better not do that little girl, I'll smack you!"
Ooooh, it makes me boil just thinking about it.
My reaction: I turned to my husband and said, its time to go dear. And we left. Thats it.
What I wish I'd done: "Did you just say you would smack her?! You don't talk to MY child like that! She's just a little kid, I would expect a grown women to be a little bit more mature than a three year old. And if you ever did smack another person's kid, you would go to jail so I would suggest you don't say stupid garbage like that. Goodbye!"
Stunned silence and stupidity coming from idiot DIL.
It's days like those, where I feel especially terrible about my passiveness. Its not AS bad when it just affects me, but when I don't stand up for my children I just about can't stand the sight of myself anymore.
Where to start, where to start...well, my name's Addison and I'm "passive aggressive." As in, when things happen to me I react passively, but when I replay the scene in my head I'm super aggressive. Which is really a problem, because I'm tired of people being rude to me and doing nothing about it. Well except if you count crawling under my blankets and crying like a baby, but I don't think thats really proactive.
So a little about me, I'm a nice girl. I don't like confrontation, I don't like being rude and I'm hyper aware if I'm in a bad mood and being snotty, but I like to treat people nicely (it comes naturally guys) and am hardly ever mean. EVER. So if I don't treat you that way, its like a slap in the face to be talked to rudely; and I don't mean strangers, I mean friends and family and the like. Anyway, I'm married (going on 10 years) with four kids and I think its about time I figured this crap out.
I've had a lot of extra special situations come up lately and I just have to get it out before I just explode and lose it on every person that comes into eye contact with me. Like a raging inferno of fury and craziness--it would be a sight to behold...hmmmm, it doesn't sound so bad that way...
No really, I just want to get these things out of my head so I can hopefully move on. Do you think it'll work? (Oh, and if you want to comment, thats great and dandy: just beware, I have a lot of pent up anger going on here, and if you're mean to me it's my one chance to let loose. Can't say I have the will power not to do it, so you've been adequately warned. Otherwise, if you can relate and get a laugh or learn something or share some advice, I'd love that too.)
I'm Mormon, I'm a Mom, and I'm passive aggressive. As in, when something's dealt to me I react passively, but all the aggressive parts get replayed in my mind over and over and over...time to get them out!