Epiphany!

Okay then, I think I figured something out. Since things have started getting so hard the last couple weeks, I feel like I just get quieter and quieter. Everyone ignores me anyway so I didn't think it really mattered. But I have to bite my tongue a lot because if I didn't I would start saying snotty remarks--really I would, its that bad--so I'm just quiet most all of the time. So the last couple days I've really had enough, especially with how the MIL talks to my kids. She bosses them around, she won't let me be the mom basically. When I'm telling them to get down or to put something away, she'll cut me off and say "Yeah, get down off there!" And I'm thinking, hello! I'm taking care of it RIGHT NOW. Its constantly and I'm really really done with it. So I think there's been some tension in the air and I think the MIL knows I'm really bugged by her (not that she cares why or wants to take any responsibility for it, but whatever), and you know what? It makes her uncomfortable. I make HER uncomfortable! HA! The irony of that is just ridiculous. Like not even in a funny way. Maybe I should take some sadistic joy in knowing that I make her uncomfortable, except that I feel this whole thing coming to a head and its going to explode like that giant zit on the end of a teenager's nose. Not pretty.  Oh how I look forward to that, I just hope there's some way I can survive this for another two months. Two months and our house will be ready and I can escape this hell hole and never come back. Really positive right?

So Crazy, Its Making ME Crazy

So the last few days have been horrible (what else is new?), and I hate it because its just silly stupid crap but I just can't figure out why she's doing it (she is her: the mother in law). Its stupid stuff like last night, she comes downstairs where I'm working on a project, and says I need to come make my kids something else to eat because they're not going to eat what she's making (okay, side note here; first of all, the whole dinner thing is totally ridiculous because they're old and literally eat at 4:30. FOUR THIRTY. None of us are hungry then, but MIL insists that we all have a sitdown dinner EVERY. SINLGE. NIGHT. But yet, doesn't check with anyone about what they want to eat or anything sort of reasonable. Grrrrrr. Trying to move on.), so since I'm the "wife" (my husband was sitting there doing absolutely nothing) its my role to go make the kids something else to eat. Whatever. I get up there and my father in law is putting chicken nuggets on a pan for the kids, and she literally stops him and says "No, Addison's going to do that!" Like, seriously? What the crap? I don't even know how I'm supposed to take that, what does that even mean? Does she think I'm so lazy that I had better do atleast that? Or WHAT? So then, I'm cleaning up things around the kitchen, clearing the table off, etc. etc. waiting for the oven to heat up so I can put them in, and before its even close to being hot enough, she snatches up the pan and says "I'm just going to put these in here now!" WHAT? Like seriously? Why did she tell me I had to make something and then not let me do it?! What does it mean?! What is wrong with her?! I'm seriously going absolutely insane here. And every freaking word that comes out of her mouth makes me want to scream. I can't even look at her anymore, I hate it. I don't want things to be like this but I honestly don't know how to handle it or what to make of it. Any advice would be much appreciated, especially if you live with a crazy, manipulative, horrible woman.

Stupid In Laws

So Thanksgiving and all that went okay, it helps to have other people to take some of the focus off everything that bugs me. Except for one thing, I figured out that my sister in law bugs the hell out of me. She also lives here with us, she's in her mid-thirties and is just one of those poeple who will never move out, I'm not going to say anymore about that (I could go on for a long time...). But here's the deal, we're expected to clean up our stuff, put things away, help do housework and whatever else, which is mostly reasonable and we do; sister in law? Not so much. She is so lazy its exasperating! If I leave my purse out for half an hour, my mother in law moves it. If sister in law leaves her's out, it sits there for...well, ever really. Or like yesterday, we took the kids out for a drive to look at Christmas lights and by the time we got back, our mail was sitting on our bed. Of course EVERYONE else's mail is still sitting out on the table, but our's needs to be put away RIGHT THEN. (Really, I think the mother in law is just being nosy and wants to go in our room, but still.) The sister in law's had this envelope sitting in the kitchen for like three weeks now, heaven forbid someone ask her to put it away. Its so ridiculous. I hate it here so much I don't even know what to do with myself (except spiral into a deep dark depression, which is what I'm possibly doing), and get this, my mother in law asks my husband the other day if 'there's maybe something wrong with me? I seem a little upset...' Are you freaking kidding me?! No one talks to me, no one asks me how I'm doing, no one treats me with any sort of anything and you wonder why I'm upset?! Also ridiculous.

What I really wish I could do is just give everyone a piece of my mind, but my mom said that won't really make me feel better. Eh, what does she know?... kidding people, kidding.

Cheating Heart

Okay, I totally just found this blog that is unsettlingly addicting. Its about a cheating wife. Okay, I personally have some strong feelings about cheating, and I'm sure other people have their own feelings about it too, but man this woman's blog is just so doggone interesting! I think the insight into her choices and her feelings is just really...I don't know, whats another word for interesting? Soooo, I think this is on my mind a lot anyway because I just found out a longtime friend of mine has been cheating and its crushing my heart to think about her children and husband! I haven't talked to her for awhile now and I just don't know how I could ever be normal with her again (please don't take that the wrong way, like I'm intolerant or something. I know a lot more about her situation than someone else's, had many a conversation with her about how horrible it is<--her words--watched her cry as she talked about her sister cheating, etc. etc.), not that she was a good friend in the first place...which almost makes me want to just chew the crap out of her.

I'm such a good person.

Tra La La

So last Sunday was a fantastic day for me. FAN-TASTIC. I got a new calling at church, not to sound horrible but its a dumb calling. I'm the "assistant" ward music person, whatever that means. So the real ward music person sits down with me Sunday and asks me what my musical expertise is...ummmm, my expertise?! I don't really have any thankyouverymuch. I can read music, I've sang in choirs, how about that? So she says to me, "Well, the only thing I can really hope or expect from you is to put the music into the folders." And I just sit there with my mouth hanging open, dumbfounded.

What I should've done was gone straight to the bishop and said, "Look, this isn't going to work. She doesn't want to let me do anything and she can put the music in the flippin' folders herself."

Yes? No? What do you think?

Don't Ignore Me, Cause I'm Close to the Edge...

I'll be a little better today, not just all whining, I promise. (Is there a big roar of cheering going on right now?) Things are starting to get a little better, granted they are far from perfect and things are still driving me CrAzY but they are better and I have to be grateful for that, and I so am! We've tried to talk about how to make things easier on everyone, and my husband has FINALLY stepped up and started getting supportive, which has been monumental in helping things be better. Hallelujah!
One of the things that still really bothers me though, (about the mother in law) is that she ignores me. Like flat out walks away when I talk to her. Or she'll ask me a "courtesy" question ('how was your day?') and when I start to answer she picks up a magazine and starts reading--totally ignoring me. Yesterday I was calling to my husband from upstairs, and I knew someone was down there that could hear me, because I could hear them, but they would NOT answer me. Not even to say that he was outside or wasn't there. Just ignoring. I get downstairs and lo and behold who could it be that won't answer? You guessed it: the mother in law. I was thinking about why it bothers me so much and I realized it bothers me because in my family, you NEVER ignore someone. Even if you hated them, even if you were so angry with them you wanted to punch them in the face, you don't ignore them when they talk to you. Its just something that we don't do in my family. (Personally I think ignoring someone is pretty commonly rude to anyone in the whole freaking world, but maybe my mother in law doesn't know that...) To me, when she ignores me, I feel like she must hate me so much that I'm not even worth her using up breath. She doesn't care enough to even answer a question, I'm that worthless to her? Now, of course thats probably not what she's thinking (right?! She doesn't think that right?! Tell me she doesn't think that!), but thats how I feel when she does it. So what do I do? Well, normally I just walk away and feel dejected. What I wish I did:

"Hey! Can't you hear me calling?! You know, it's just common courtesy to answer someone! You know he's not here so instead of letting me call and call to him, you could just say 'he's outside!' instead of pretending like I don't even exist. It's really rude and I don't appreciate being ignored!"

Oh yeah, boo ya.

And the Bitterness Begins

So my sister in law and her husband came over to have dinner with us all last night. It was shocking the difference in how my mother in law treats her son in law compared to me. SHOCKING. Every couple minutes she would ask him if he wanted more meat, or more potatoes, did he need this or that. Not once did she ask me anything, she basically just ignores me. I should've been like "gee, isn't that funny how she favors him, and doesn't ask me anything. I'm one of her in laws too..."

Just a little reminder that people notice those things, hmmmm?